Who knows what I'll want to do for the rest of my life, right?Well, here's the difference between me and most of the guys I dated: I'm actively pursuing something anyway, successfully.Sure, I'm not always 100 percent sure what that something is, but I have ambition and drive to figure it out.Many of my female friends are the same way — and yet I've watched all of us date guys who didn't even own fitted sheets or a checkbook.I spent a lot of time feeling like I owed the men I went out with something.
Maybe your partner has a kink they want you to try, and that's great.
A guy who's just as successful as me, not a player, AND likes strong women? Or at least, that's what I told myself, as I wrote off the more ambitious guys I wanted most as "probably jerks" for seven years.
By picking guys I could try to make projects out of and help direct, I was trying to avoid confronting the ways in which I could be more professionally fulfilled myself.
But after yet another terminated relationship where a lack of ambition was at the core of our issues, I realized something: It's not that I need a guy to be rich — I just need him to be about something, actively. Because I really, really wanted the guys I was with to be Men and not Boys, I would frequently make myself smaller in relationships to compensate for the ways they didn't have their sh*t together.
One of the main ways that played out was baby talk. But by assuming the tone of a younger girl who needed to be taken care of when I was feeling needy or I wanted attention, I was often able to trick myself into feeling like the guys I was with were more dominant or protective than they actually felt to me otherwise.